Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
40s are totally the cure
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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