I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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