Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
