I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
