dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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