True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
