Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if only i could text you this smell
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
