Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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