i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
