i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
