oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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