guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
