i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
