she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
