I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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