so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
