mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
