He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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