do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
