why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
