His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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