That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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