I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
