I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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