I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
