The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
