Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
