i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
