Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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