His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
