Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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