I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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