I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
