just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
