Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
