Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
