i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
