wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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