The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
