maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
