Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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