I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just gargled with NyQuil
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
