i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
