Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
