I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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