i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
