I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
