now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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