You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Still dying that you shit outside
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
