Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
