Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
