Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
